After I discovered that the NKT had gone full blown Scientology on me and written an entire website for the purpose of tearing me apart, I had a bit of a delayed reaction. Usually it goes 1.) uncontrollable laughter, 2.) the shakes, 3.) warning everyone that this is what they do whilst pretending I am not that bothered by it, 4.) shock and shutdown, 5.) sadness about this state of affairs.
I knew I was ‘Fair Game’ but I thought they would be smarter than to make hypotheses about my pre-existing trauma as that reinforces everything I wrote in my report. I thought they were smart enough to leave me alone, as that would have contradicted my report. But they just couldn’t help it. Controlling the narrative so that members don’t believe me is their main aim and the only way they can survive. The only weapon they have is DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).
I would like to thank senior NKT for pointing out areas of plaigairism which I have now corrected. Even though they did it using a defamation website under a fake identity and tried to bring the death of my father into their argument for why I can’t be trusted. I ended up going to a cyber cafe on my holiday to make sure I sorted this out, as I felt pretty ashamed about it. I felt like the priority was getting something out as soon as possible with my main points in, in case they found a way to silence me. I had made myself a target. As a result I could not prioritize protecting my reputation or the quality of the referencing. I remember thinking that it didn’t matter because I was screwed anyway. I thought my career might be over anyway because they would find a way to destroy me. But I had started and felt I had to finish ASAP. To write it more comprehensively would take a long time, an entire PhD thesis maybe, and I already had a full time job. My aim was to get people thinking critically and to highlight potential areas of risk and harm.
As I am unable to have a dialogue with the NKT, the defamation website was an interesting way to find out their criticisms. It seems they don’t think I should be allowed to call it a report. I make it clear throughout that it’s not a study (noone is dumb enough to move in for the sole purpose of studying the NKT). There are no guidelines for writing a report on a cult, but they claim I should be following guidelines that don’t exist. After contemplating this a bit, I found that I felt quite liberated at the thought of not calling it a report. It’s up to the reader to decide what they think it is. I’m happy to call it my opinion backed up by my qualifications and experience, survivor testimonies and psychological theory.
Sometimes the only thing I have to hold on to is the knowledge that I had good intentions. But that doesn’t protect you from a cult. I had no idea what I was getting myself into the day I was honest about everything on YouTube in the dark at midnight.
I don’t know what lengths they will go to to destroy me. I have been warned that this is just the start. I can control the narrative with my employers and even let people know on my CV if I wish. Or I could always change my name, flee the country, and go volunteer around the world in exchange for accommodation. I’ll just make sure I do my research about the places I end up, and make sure I havent accidentally got recruited into a cult.